This is what I wrote today 2/11/20 Tue.

2-11-20 Tuesday

The Hotdog

I’ve been eating one a day for lunch
this whole week.
I used to nuke it for one minute
but now, only thirty seconds.
It’s a lot jucier,
before
it was dried out and wrinkled
I put a wiggly line of ketchup on it
nothing else
not even bread, I’m trying to cut down on my carbs.
I’m concerned I stand to close to the microwave.
I imagine those tiny little waves,
the ones that leak out are doing to my brian.
I lean back to protect myself.
I eat it quickly
standing by the trashcan.
Not to worry,
I only buy the good ones
the ones without
the nitrates and nitrites.

***

Quantity is what gives a writer experience and this is why you whould write everyday of your life. When I do that it doesn’t make my writing better it shows how bad it is and how I’ll never get better and the failure I am. This is why I’m so thankful for my wife and how much she loves me. Outside of that and my relationship with Jesus I would be nothing in human form. Even then it gets tough sometimes.

***

You know I’m having a draggy day when I don’t even feel like flying virtually. Now all I want to do is some form of creating and art. And today I find myself slumped over my keyboard pretending to be a writer. Writing is better than virtual flying because I’m not as tempted to spend money on new addons. I need to be photographing my jewelry tools and supplies and listing those on Ebay, but I’m tired. I would I would have more energy. I should, but I don’t and I hope everything is ok with me. I normally don’t feel this lack luster. I’m thankful I don’t feel sick, just crawl-back-to-bed-and-snooze tired. I can’t do that because when I do I feel super weird when I wake up and nothing feels normal the rest of the day until I sleep again at night and wake up the next day. I feel like I’m about to have a panick attack but I never do. I remain on the edge. A most dreadful feeling. So I stay tired, it’s better that way. Hopefully I can wake up the next day and continue on.

***

I got this notion, right now that I want to start a cane collection. I think that would be fun.

***

I ordered six 3.5″ x 5.5″ black notebooks yesterday and they won’t get here until Wednesday. I regret that, I wish I would have ordered ones that would be arriving today. But, these are cheaper than most and that’s why I chose them, to save money, so my wife and I can save more. We are trying to build up our emergency fund.

***

It’s easy to write a lot like this when you haven’t written in a long while but I’ve done enough of these “I’m-gonna-write-every-day-for-the-rest-of-my-life” writing moments until the day, and the day always comes. They day you wake up and nothing comes, no words and all you’re left with is freewriting. I used to like it but now I hate it because if we are all honest, freewriting is what you do when you have nothing to write about.

***

I’m a stay at home husband. My wife does the 9 to 5 office work. Everything that I’ve tried never makes money, it cost more than it brings in. I’m better doing nothing than to try painting or making jewelry. This is why I played video games all day, it’s just as meaningless. So I might as well write. I wish I could get excited about writing. I do it because it’s the only thing I can afford.

***

Fresh Cow’s Milk

straight from the tit.
RAW
nothing pasteurized.
nothing homogenized.
RAW
u n f I l t e r e d.

***

New Job

I want to be kinder to myself.
I need to be.
Why is it so difficult to do?
All I can think of:
all of my failures.
There are so many to choose from
it’s a full time job.
Today is the day I go find me a new job.

***

Billie Eilish:  her voice floats notes.

***

I want to paint something dead center
bulls-eye
because
I’m so tired of being told I shouldn’t
it’s not good composition.
I pull my paintbrush back
and let go
bulls-eye!

***

The hardest thing about reading…
and I know you need to read a lot to be a good writer.
is staying awake.
I found out this is caused by my dyslexia.

***

When I paint
I like to use only one
brush
the same one throughout the
W H O L E    P A I N T I N G.

Published by Brian Sommers

I'm an abstract artist and a jeweler. I've been involved in flight simulation since mid 1980's as my hobby.

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